Embedded Files
(The following is a conversation between myself and my brother - BroVamp or, for the purposes of the following transcription, BV - that occurred while watching this movie. Some aspects might be slightly exaggerated or cleaned up for posting purposes. The general gist of the conversation remains present.)
Me: I'm in the mood for something lighter tonight, so instead of Near Dark, let's watch Ginger Snaps instead.
BV: What's it about?
Me: I'm going in fairly blind, but I know there are werewolves and it is supposed to be a satire, so it should be funny.
BV: Sure, let's watch it
(The movie is put in. We open on a woman finding her pet dog torn to shreds and people not really responding to her screams. We then meet our two main characters, Brigitte and Ginger (Emily Perkins and Katharine Isabelle) who are talking about killing themselves before we get a montage of pictures of them in various suicide poses.)
Me: I might've been oversold on the comedy.
BV: This doesn't seem like like a comedy
(I look up the Wikipedia page)
Me: Yeah, the page says it is a 'biting satire' and has 'dark humour'
BV: Maybe it is just a rough opening?
(There is a pointed conversation about both of the characters not having gone through puberty yet despite being 15 and 16)
Me: Bet you one of them has their first period and that is what attracts the werewolf
BV: Chekhov's Menstrual Cycle
Me: I'm using that in my review.
(What is predicted has come to pass)
Me: Called it
BV: Did she die?
Me: Nope, there she is begging her sister for help
BV: If we ever are in this situation, I expect you to either make good on your escape or try to hit the werewolf. Don't just stand there dumbfounded
Me: Look, if you are being attacked by a werewolf there is going to be at least a moment of shock on my part, because what the fuck?
(2 hours pass in this 108 minute movie. A guy starts peeing blood)
BV: See, that would freak me out like this guy is
Me: I can't imagine anyone not freaking out when that happens.
BV: Did she bite his dick?
Me: They cut away but I think he would've reacted before now if she had
(More time passes, the school bully accuses one of the girls of kidnapping her dog)
BV: Did the sister kill the dog?
Me: No, that was the dog they found before Chekhov's Menstrual Cycle got them attacked
BV: But she did kill a dog, right?
Me: Not yet
BV: You are assuming she will?
Me: Do animals ever survive these movies?
(Trying to cure the werewolf, one character suggests using monkshood and refers to it as a perennial plant only available in Spring)
BV: Wait, a perennial plant should be available all year, this is lazy writing
Me: Or the teenage character is using the word wrong
BV: They are in a weed house! He knows the proper use of perennial!
Me (Looking it up): There are herbaceous perennials that grow in the spring/summer and die out in the fall/winter.
BV: The got it correct by accident
Me: Maybe
(More mayhem occurs. We are now four hours into this 108 minute movie)
BV: This movie is long
Me: I know, it is taking forever
BV: How long is it
Me: (Looking it up) It is 108 minutes...
BV: Really?!
(6 hours into this movie, we now have full werewolf)
BV: Is that the werewolf?
Me: Yeah.
BV: Are those... breasts?
Me: It is a busty werewolf.
BV: It doesn't look very great
Me: It was made in 2000, probably didn't have the budget for CGI, and this probably looks better than what the CGI would've been
BV: I feel like the breasts could've been left off
Me: Then how could we tell it is a new werewolf and not the original?
BV: The original is dead
Me: It's a metaphor for puberty
BV: That is dumb
(The movie ends)
Me: I am going to use our conversations for the review
BV: That's fine.
Me: I might exaggerate or make up some stuff.
BV: Just don't make me say anything racist, or homophobic, or sexist.
Me: Antisemitic it is then.
5 out of 10
Page updated
Google Sites
Report abuse