Review: American Gothic (1988)

"Want to make a horror movie based off of a painting?"

"Sure, what painting did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking American Gothic."

"What, will it be a Texas Chainsaw thing?"

"Kinda, only we're going to set it in Washington."

"The state?  Why not have it be Bigfoot then?"

"No, that's cheesy.  Instead it's going to be a nutty family that lives alone on an island and kills anyone that ends up going there."

"Cannibalism?"

"No, just crazy.  We're going to have a bunch of 50-year-olds acting like children and murdering people with kids stuff, like swings and jump ropes."

"If they act like kids, how would they survive?"

"There will be a Ma and Pa based off the painting to keep them in line."

"Okay, how's the final girl going to get out of this situation?"

"She doesn't."

"What?  She dies?  People hate the sort of downer ending."

"I didn't say she died."

"Well, then how does she survive."

"Trust me, you won't see it coming."

"Okay, but this sounds a little strange - can we get a big name for it?"

"We already got Rod Steiger and Yvonne De Carlo to play Pa and Ma."

"Wow, they are slumming it."

"Are they, though?"

"Fair."

"We need to keep this somewhat serious so they aren't laughing throughout it though."

"Maybe have the crazy family be scary?"

"No, we can't do that.  Instead, our main girl is going to have a dead baby."

"Isn't that a little dark."

"No, it's character depth.  Besides, it is only important in the beginning and end of the movie."

"Well, okay then."

"Okay, let's make this movie."

"Are we going to refine the idea at all?"

"No."

5 out of 10